Mom-ents

Today I was just relaxing with Wyatt fast asleep on my chest and I started thinking about how fast time seems to go by and that I am so lucky to have him so I should treasure these moments. Things have been going a lot better my confidence in my baby raising abilities has returned and I am really enjoying watching his suttle changes.
Stan and I got horrible colds this week so the late nights have been really hard. Last night I was able to take some cough medicine and get some sleep because Stan was nice enough to take over some extra feeding times for me.

Nights with Wyatt are usually very good he will cry every 3 hours or so for his feedings. He is difficult at night when we are putting him down to sleep but that is totally fine as long as he goes right to sleep after the late night feedings. We have had a few challenging nights where Wyatt would cry a lot and last night happened to be one of those times. It was pretty bad I would put him down and then 20-30 mins later he was up and crying again. This is so rare though honestly so I know that usually there is a problem if he cries like that. Last night I am pretty sure he just had gas.

I have been incorporating some quality tummy time and bicycle times to get Wyatt's muscles going. He can pull himself up pretty far and can do several lifts so I am really proud. He isn't too happy with the tummy time but I have never seen a baby that liked the feeling. I have been trying to give him some tummy time on my chest too where he can pull himself up to look at me when he wants and rest when he feels like it. This will also give him a chance to get used to being on his belly. Its cool because he already moves his back legs perfectly. I have been trying to have him sitting with me a lot to work his back and neck muscles that way too.

He started drinking more formula recently. He just moved up to 3 ounces and today we started trying to space his feeding time to every 3 1/2 hours instead of every 3. Then we will do every 4 hours if he is up to it. I knew it was time to move him up when he started spitting up at certain feedings or drinking a lot less. In fact he would just skip some all together. so all in all things are going great.

Feeling Good

The last few nights with Wyatt have been so much better. I think I just had to be patient with him. He has been having many more waking hours during the day and he has been getting more and more interested in the toys I have been trying to get his attention with. He has been doing a great job and I have been getting closer and closer to him. It is so amazing to look at him and to imagine that only 2 weeks ago he was in my belly. I am so excited to see him develop and grow. This whole motherhood thing is feeling pretty great.
As much as I love Christmas I have to say I am glad that the holiday has come and gone so I can start to get into more of a rhythm with Wyatt. It was def. hard to have a brand new baby while trying to get Christmas gifts. Next year, we will be planning Wyatt's 1st birthday party and doing Christmas--its crazy because at that point he should be up and walking and just so big.

When Night Becomes Day

Wyatt has been sleeping for hours during the day and I keep hearing that he has his nights and days mixed up so I did some research online on how to introduce the difference between day and night to my newborn. Unfortunatly this means that I have the horrible job of being the mean person who has to wake up my perfectly peaceful newborn. I hate it so much because all he does is cry and there is no way or me to console him without putting him back to sleep. So is that really me spending quality time ith him and isn't this the time where we should be bonding not introducing mom torture (that shouldn't come along this early right?) . I try playing games with him but all he does is scream until I let him go back to sleep. Ahh...motherhood!
Oh well other than the sleep thing I think things are going pretty well. The whole post pardum freak outs are pretty much over. I am still amazed that he was inside my belly all those months. That little heartbeat the little flutter all him. It is neat I have to say and I love his eyes, they are so deep and just gorgeous. I am looking forward to when he is able to interact more though. Like I can't wait for him to be able to laugh at what I am doing and stuff. Right now it is that stage where you give a lot and don't get too much back but I know just around the corner is the fun part so I am happy to be here just watching him learn and take everything in.
Wyatt's first Christmas was perfect and it was really weird to think about how different next Christmas will be since he will be a full year old. Like I kept thinking about how he will be walking or running around next year and able to open his own gifts. He will be interacting on his own with people. It's crazy how fast these stages go and how much babies change in a year. I think that was something that helped me move past those baby blues was realizing that these stages go by so fast and while I am wishing for the past the present is slipping to the future and I am missing it.
So basically everything is good here. We have been working on getting into a routine with Wyatt so he will be better about sleeping. I have decided to let him have his sleep/waking times the way they have been and I am going to chart them out to see exactly how long he has been sleeping and how long his interactive hours are. If I see that he has more waking time in the day then I will trust that things are in-line with where they should be and if not then I will know that I have to tell myself that waking him up is the best thing for him and he will just have to get used to interacting with me. If it gets too bad I know the pediatrican will have some great advice and the office is always available but if you have any advice I would love to hear what you did or would do.

I've Got The Blues

This is sorta hard to write about and I am a little hesitant to post this since I know it may be taken wrong but I have been having some baby blues. Not the whole Post Pardum Depression thing since I have no dangerous thoughts just some self doubts and the sudden realization that this is now the rest of my life. Wyatt is this absolutly beautiful perfect baby and I couldn't ask for more with him so I already am feeling like I am going to be such a let down as a mother since we all know how irresposible I tend to be. I also start thinking about how nice it was when it was Stan and I and how I really wanted a baby to make that picture more perfect but that maybe the picture was perfect. All of these emotions come and go and they started while I was getting ready to leave the safety of the hosptial and enter the world as a parent. Fortunatly Dr. Richards had stopped in that morning and I talked to her about how I was feeling and she assured me that every patient she has goes through this exact same thing and that the hormones from the pregnancy are now adjusting so I have a non-pregnant body again so I will be feeling this way for a little while until that process is complete. By far the worst day was the first day when we came home from the hospital I had this huge panic attack and ran screaming to the bathroom about how I couldn't do it but by Saturday I realized that I had already survived my first night outside of the hospital as a mommy and that meant that I had one night under my belt. Wyatt will be a week old tomorrow (which is totally crazy) and he is thriving looking around tracking with his eyes, lifting his head, smiling (maybe gas), and the way he looks at me with so much love in his eyes. I couldn't ever give that love back. Sometimes these self doubts make me want to go back to before but then it hits me so clear how absolutly amazing he is and how truley blessed I am to have him and I am ready to move on.
Also through this experience I have found so many people who really do love me. I mean I have found so much support and I am so thankful for that. I wanted to write this entry because I hope that it helps someone else since what really helps me move past the feelings when they stir up is remembering that others have gone through these same feelings and they were able to get through it and become truly great parents.

Where's Wyatt?

Well, it's official Wyatt is late! I am totally going crazy. Its nuts I thought that I would be relieved to not have to wake up every morning and go to work but this is so not the case. I have been trying everything to coax him to come but it seems he is standing firm so I just have to be ok with it all.
Yesterday, I decided to go walking around as much as I could. I took Sugar for a walk around the block and then went to the mall and walked all around there. Then after dinner Stan and I went to Target and Linens n' things for a little extra bit of exercise. At Target I started feeling some pains and pressure but it was nothing. So today I am planning on doing a lot of chores around the house to get us ready for Christmas and then I may go over to the mall and see a movie. I think I have been allowing myself to get frustrated by just sitting around and waiting wondering when everything is going to happen. I think a lot of it is that I have been waiting so long already and now we are here standing on the edge of having him here in our arms and there is this delay. I just can't wait to see him and feel him.
I have been torturing myself during the days by watching A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby. I am watching so I can feel really confident that I will know what is happening throughout the process but damn it is driving me mad. I keep imagining what it will be like when I am going through all that pain and about to see Wyatt. Or that first night when we will be taking the little man home and then never sleeping again.
I had an appointment on Wednesday where I was a little over 3 cm. and now at 60% efface (I have to be grateful to him for trying to give me a fast and painless labor.) At that time we discussed what would happen if he doesn't get all of this stuff started on his own. Basically I will be exactly 42 weeks on Christmas Day and given his growth and my growth they would like to induce labor at the end of next week if they are all clear at the hospital. They said since I have a "favorable cervix" that there should be no problem getting the labor going and that they don't even really foresee us needing an induction.

A Bittersweet Last Day of Work

Today is my very last day here at NIDA. I have to say this is the first time that I am really genuinly sad to know that I will not be waking up early on Monday to go to work. I am looking forward to seeing Baby Wyatt and being with him but I know I will miss being with everyone here at work. Its a nice easy going day today because all week has been one thing after another and just super busy. Everyone has been so nice here and I have been reminded each day of why I am so determined to come back after my maternity leave.

39 Week Exam & Work Baby Shower

Almost 3 cm. dilated and 40-50% efface!!!


So yesterday, they threw a baby shower for me at work. It was so great all the SROs came and they even got me gifts. Everyone had a great time playing games and eating pizza and cake. It was so fun having everyone get together and it really reminded me of how loved I am at my job!