I've Got The Blues

This is sorta hard to write about and I am a little hesitant to post this since I know it may be taken wrong but I have been having some baby blues. Not the whole Post Pardum Depression thing since I have no dangerous thoughts just some self doubts and the sudden realization that this is now the rest of my life. Wyatt is this absolutly beautiful perfect baby and I couldn't ask for more with him so I already am feeling like I am going to be such a let down as a mother since we all know how irresposible I tend to be. I also start thinking about how nice it was when it was Stan and I and how I really wanted a baby to make that picture more perfect but that maybe the picture was perfect. All of these emotions come and go and they started while I was getting ready to leave the safety of the hosptial and enter the world as a parent. Fortunatly Dr. Richards had stopped in that morning and I talked to her about how I was feeling and she assured me that every patient she has goes through this exact same thing and that the hormones from the pregnancy are now adjusting so I have a non-pregnant body again so I will be feeling this way for a little while until that process is complete. By far the worst day was the first day when we came home from the hospital I had this huge panic attack and ran screaming to the bathroom about how I couldn't do it but by Saturday I realized that I had already survived my first night outside of the hospital as a mommy and that meant that I had one night under my belt. Wyatt will be a week old tomorrow (which is totally crazy) and he is thriving looking around tracking with his eyes, lifting his head, smiling (maybe gas), and the way he looks at me with so much love in his eyes. I couldn't ever give that love back. Sometimes these self doubts make me want to go back to before but then it hits me so clear how absolutly amazing he is and how truley blessed I am to have him and I am ready to move on.
Also through this experience I have found so many people who really do love me. I mean I have found so much support and I am so thankful for that. I wanted to write this entry because I hope that it helps someone else since what really helps me move past the feelings when they stir up is remembering that others have gone through these same feelings and they were able to get through it and become truly great parents.