The Power of Positivity

This is not always the easiest task I know when month after month it seems like the same bad response. I have had a really rough past year with all the back and forths that happen with diagnostic testing that leads to birth control pills and then the waiting to try game. During this time I have gone through periods where I have just felt defeated by everything.
As things have started to look up the past few months and I have been seeing steady hormone changes in my monitor I am faced with another challenge, the am I? challenge. Each month we have tried at our high & peak points of fertility, I have stayed laying down in bed with my pelvis slightly raised, taken alternative medicine, gotten acupuncture, gone the gambit on fertility aids and each month the question arises "will I be doing all of this again next month?" .

The one thing that pulled me from challenge to challenge has been thinking positively. Many people believe that being a postive thinker means manipulating yourself into thinking you will get your wish. This isn't exactly true, although I believe that I will eventually have a baby my positive thinking chooses to think of all the achievements I have made over the past year and how the contribute to my overall goal. I have seen my body go from infertility candidate to a full functioning body. Of course it took me having to face all of those demons I have built up surrounding my weight & self image, it took a lot of trust in the healthcare professionals (even when second guessing was more like second nature), and it took a lot of tests in my marriage.

Through it all I have really tried to impress upon myself the good that has happened in the past year and how "getting what I wanted when I wanted" would have forced many of those doors to shut. Despite religious beliefs you have to have faith, I know that sounds weird, but it's true. When you allow yourself to have faith in the way that your life is unfurling you can better understand all the wonderful things that you have been given. A very religious friend of mine told me, "God wants you to have a baby, I don't know how that will happen to you whether it be through adoption or carry one on your own, but know that God makes thing happen for you." I love that because no matter what you think of as "God" there is a path which has your best interest in mind. I have always seen life as a road with a million forks ones we don't even notice are there. We make choices that pave our destiny all the time and generally when you really want something you will get it, it may not be what you had planned or in your time frame but you get it.

When I try to think positivly about everything I realize that I have many great blessings from the amazing parents I have, to the wonderful friends I have made, to meeting & marrying my soul mate, my life has been anything but poor and no matter what happens in this baby situation I have been given the support system to deal with the hard and celebrate the good. There is always something that we don't see out there in the universe maybe one day I will hear that my other ovary has to come out and that I will never be able to concieve my own child but somewhere anywhere in the world there could be someone out there facing the exact opposite problem and within their belly maybe my baby.

My biggest lesson so far, trust that everything will turn out the way it should.